RESPECTING YOU ____________________________________________

How long have you been longing to be treated with value and respect? How much pain have you experienced nursing emotional wounds because you were treated as if you had no value? How many heartaches have you experienced because you were treated as if you didn’t count?

Were you taught as that you were selfish if you wanted your emotional needs met? Did you create a habit of forfeiting your needs for someone else’s approval? Everyone needs acceptance. We all need respect. We all need the freedom to be who we really are. Most of the pain in our lives comes from an imbalance of these basic needs.

We have been programmed to look to our parents or our culture for answers about whom and what we value. A set of rules have been passed down from generation to generation, rules to aspire to if we are to become worthy. For most of us, unworthiness is a crippling weight bestowed upon us at birth. Many of us were taught we would be acceptable, loveable and valuable when we reached perfection.

We struggled only to be met with stumbling blocks of our imperfections as we grew, learned and held ourselves in contempt for not knowing everything already. We had no patience or forgiveness for ourselves for not being "graduates" before we experienced the learning process.
To some degree, most of us have been victimized by the inequality in our cultural traditions. Many look back and feel the staggering effects of psychological and emotional injustice. We may see years of childhood where a primary need was not met.

As young adults on our own we expect to be worthy of respect. Yet the greater number of us continues to choose environments, associates and even mates who will treat us the same demeaning way we grew up. Most of us navigate toward the familiar. Instead of getting the respect we need, we choose people who continue the pattern we are accustomed to. We weep bitterly because they are demeaning toward us, never realizing we were drawn to them because their behavior was familiar and predictable.

We lament lack of respect in our lives, but how often do we stop to realize, our parents had control for a brief time. How has it been going since you have been in control? How have you treated you? How have you allowed others to treat you? Has it been easier to find people who disrespect you the way you have become accustomed to, or have you found enough damaging behaviors to inflict disrespect on your self? Do you imagine allowing people to disrespect you or disrespecting your self isn’t a choice? If YOU cared about yourself, if YOU respected you, if YOU valued you, you would not accept or allow others to devalue you. You allow it because you feel unworthy.

I know, it’s a hard step to take, after all it’s not familiar, but your better qualities are what you really are. The loveable part of you is who you really are. The things you want to be respected for are real qualities with in you. It’s time to stop allowing other people’s opinions to mold your life. Let your natural desire for love and respect start with YOU. Step out of yesterday and into tomorrow. Love and respect yourself and when you do your whole life will change for the better.

Rebecca Kimbel

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