Getting No Respect

by Rebecca Kimbel D.T.M

He lost his license after another DUI, now he needs a chauffer. He calls her. She drops her committed social schedule and forfeits a couple of days at work, to drive him where he wants to go.He’s lounging in front of the television; his feet on the table and his beer can empty. He shouts, demanding she bring more beer. She is unloading groceries from the car. She leaves the car open and the groceries on the front step as she anxiously dashes to the refrigerator to replenish his beer.

She complains to her son constantly because he doesn’t clean his room. When he leaves the house, she cleans it for him.These are habits of a woman who cries herself to sleep because she gets no respect. She fails to understand her behavior perpetuates the problem. Her actions reward those who use her, take advantage of her and disrespect her. The more she rewards disrespectful behavior, the more she will get. The deeper problem lies within her lack of personal self respect. If she respected herself, she would not accept disrespectful from others. Her challenge is amplified because she comes from a family where “nice” and “stupid” were used as if they had the same meaning, which aided in keeping women “in their place”.

If she quits catering to those who benefit by taking advantage of her, they will accuse her of not caring, not loving them and not being a good person. In the past their services have expanded by loading her with guilt. Of course they will “up the anti” to keep her giving them what they have come to feel entitled to.Changing family dynamics from disrespectful to respectful requires perseverance and strength. In this example, the woman has strength and perseverance or she couldn’t have carried out this chaotic subservient roll for so long, but some how she believes she doesn’t have these qualities because she uses them in a manner that fortifies the problem and not the solution. What she is lacking is self confidence and self respect.

She doesn’t know how to break the chains of he upbringing. She has been taught a good woman serves. Women are servants. Servants don’t have equality. Her struggle is internal, cultural and historical. She fears a loss of love and acceptance. She doesn’t see that usury is neither.Change only comes to those who want it more than they want what they already have.Those who have been rewarded for their behavior have no incentive to change it. The only way she can escape a life of disrespect is learn to respect herself as an equal human being and accept anything less.

 

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